She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
