what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
