why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
