Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
