I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
