Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
