Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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