Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
