There was a lot of him and a little penis
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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