i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
