This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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