sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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