Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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