I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize