He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
