the new term for farting is butt boxing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
