I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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