Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you mean i was at the winter classic?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
