You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
