I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Text me some of your sweat
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