I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
