70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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