help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize