did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
