You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
