just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
