this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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