Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sext me about skeletons
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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