i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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