Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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