i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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