Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
