So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
