i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize