you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I need to stop coming to work sober
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
