Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
