So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
