Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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