thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
