There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
