I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
