I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize