i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I did not marry a roomba.
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