i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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