I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
