Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
