im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
