Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
