can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
