Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
