My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
