That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
