i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Randomize
