dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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