it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
