the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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