im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
