Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
