3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
