I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
