i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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