SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
