...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you traded sex for a burrito?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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