Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
