he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
