i was born a porn star she said
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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