So drunk its hurt
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
