I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
