Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize