I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
