you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
