If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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