Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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