so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
