My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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