it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
