eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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